One More Flop
A strange feeling seemed to permeate my foggy senses as I tried to wake up. I was trying to escape a hypnotically captivating dream of being back in school with mummified teachers, scowling mates and the smell of antiseptic cleaner clinging to the drab walls of comrade incubators of Eastern Europe. But, my nostrils seemed permanently sealed and my eyelids lacked any cooperative sensitivities. One eyelash at a time, my right eye gained some field of vision only to have it completely obscured in a split-second movement by a blurry mass. After what seemed like eternal moments, my nostrils opened up to welcome the full-on assault of a sweetly unmistakable smell. Half an inch from my nose was a round mass of a night’s worth of diaper-captured pee. In her latest campaign to conquer the domain of the parental bed, my 16-month-old daughter simply raised her tiny rear, pointed gingerly at my face and rested with her knees supportively tucked under her belly. All that, mid you, is done while fully asleep. My primordial response to correct the situation is instantly thwarted by the innocence radiating from the long curved eyelashes on top of slightly pink cheeks and a pouting lower lip.
That is a typical daybreak ritual. Regardless of when she finally falls asleep, she is up at 6:30am. Who needs an alarm clock? It only assaults your hearing, and you can disable it with a well aimed pillow or a sleep heavy fist. She on the other hand, lays on a well-coordinated siege of all my senses. If the diaper-in-the-face method fails to shock me into instant awareness, there follows a simple yet effective karate chop to the jugular. Shrugging that off only means more provocation… A chunky thigh starts twitching and slowly activates a muscular calf arching with the heel of a size 6 foot locked onto my midsection. Open eyes means defeat and acknowledgement of her triumph. She quickly jumps onto my stomach and starts practicing trampoline moves. And so commences a day of small victories, lessons in physical and verbal agility and endless amazement at how a 2 foot, nearly bald, partially toothed creature can rule my life.
